The Things We Do (That We Said We'd Never Do) For Love: Beautycounter Beginnings

Three short days after Steve and I professed our "I do's" I found myself on a tractor in the middle of a wheat field following the man God had woven into my heart with a wild sort of joy I couldn't explain.

I also couldn't explain how I ended up there - in that field - pulling a grain cart between combine and truck, except to quote Blaise Paschal, The heart has reasons of which reason knows nothing of!

Looking back on those honeymoon harvest days, I should have known that they would be a clear indication of the future, as being in love (a love that has only intensified over the years) often motivates us to do things we wouldn't normally do, things we don't plan to do, or even really want to do.

Fast forward 18 years and here I am, again, doing something so unplanned, so unexpected, so far out of my wheelhouse that even the boys are a little bit boggled by all of the baskets of the body wash and face cream laying around the house.  

But love {and illness} are big motivators - and they're the reason I've decided to become a consultant for an amazing company called Beautycounter.

One of the contributors to Steve's struggle for good health has been his body's inability to detox efficiently.  Toxins are all around us, and are often absorbed into the body through contact with the skin, by simply breathing, and of course through our diet.  

While I had done a significant amount of work to clean up our diet, as well as our environmental toxins by choosing safer cleaning products and detergents, I hadn't really scrutinized the personal care products we were using as a family on our bodies.

To be honest, I felt like I couldn't manage one more thing. Why can't something in my life just be simple? I asked that very question aloud to a good friend one day, and she suggested I check into a company called Beautycounter.  

Despite my skepticism and utter annoyance an having to sit in front of the computer in the late night hours to do more research (my Lyme/autoimmune people, you know what I'm talking about!), I decided to do the work anyway.

After reading about the company, and the strict safety standards Beautycounter follows when testing their products, I was hooked.  Finally, a brand I could trust, and use with confidence, and NOT have to think about being safe for Steve, and really for the whole family. {Discover Beautycounter's Safety Promise for yourself!}

Why does it matter what I put on my skin?

It's estimated that our skin has the potential to absorb 60-70% of what it comes into contact with.  Some chemicals are too big to pass through the upper layers of skin and into the blood stream, and other chemicals can be absorbed within as little as 20 seconds.  It makes sense to me, then, that if God created pores on our skin to flush out toxins, then those same toxin-releasing pores can also absorb toxins.  In essence, it really does matter what we put on our skin!

In my research, I was shocked to learn that the United States has not passed a federal law to regulate the ingredients in personal care products since 1938.  This is astounding, considering there are over 10,000 chemicals being used in the personal care product industry today. Some of those we are putting on our skin every day. {Read more about that here.}

Over the past 20 years, the European Union has banned around 1,300 ingredients from use in personal care products. The United States? 30. 30!!! 

Even personal care products with an "organic" label are not regulated. Some of the "natural" products I've used in the past contain ingredients that are harmful - and I had no idea - because the label convinced me that it was completely safe to use.

When I discovered that Beautycounter is a mission based company, whose goal is to get safer products into the hands of everyone, my interest was peaked.  Their goal isn't just to create safe, high performing skin care - they also want to change the beauty industry. 

Beautycounter consultants are working with congress to pass legislation that would regulate the chemicals that could be allowed in any personal skin care product. 

What does that mean? It means that hopefully one day you and I will be able to pick up any of our favorite products off the shelf and not have to worry about whether or not they are safe for us and for our families to use.

I don't know about you, but I'm all about less worry, and more freedom! Until then, I can rest easy, knowing that Beautycounter has my back, and I have confidence knowing that they have one of the most rigorous standards for product screening in the industry, 

prohibiting the use of over 1,500 potentially harmful ingredients 

in all of their products. 

Many of those potentially harmful ingredients have been linked to cancer, endocrine disorders, fertility issues, developmental concerns, and allergies.  They have also been found to be present in the breastmilk of nursing mothers. 

When I consider all of the skin care products I've used over the years while pregnant, I confess, at first I felt guilty, but then I felt angry.  Why didn't I know? Why are these chemicals even allowed in my face soap and lotion? 

This is why I've decided to join Beautycounter's mission to get safer products into the hands of everyone.  Because, in caring for my husband through his sickness, I have first-hand experience with the effects chemicals can have on the body, and I know just how burdensome worrying about the health and safety of yourself and your family can be.  

Beautycounter lifts this worry from my shoulders.

Would you like to know what's in the products you're currently using, and discover their safety rating? You can search them out on EWG's Skin Deep database.  EWG also has an app, which is very handy for scanning everything from dish soap to toothpaste while shopping!

If you're curious about some of our products, here are a list of my 

Five Favorites:

1.  Countermatch Collection - Okay, so this is actually four products, but because they work together in an incredible way to hydrate, smooth, and improve skin tone, I consider them one heavy hitter! Perfect for all skin types, particularly combination skin.

2.  Brightening Facial Oil - Seven pregnancies and lots of sun from years of running has left several dark pigmentation spots on my face. This oil, when combined with my morning and night time moisturizer, has evened my skin tone and lightened the spots, not to mention bumping up my moisturizing game, which I've really needed this winter.

3.  Charcoal Bar - Charcoal is a wonderful detoxifying agent. If you struggle with an occasional break out, or if you have teens in the house with acne, this bar is a game changer!

4.  Baby Balm - Tis the season for dry skin. Dry knuckles, chapped lips, and eczema patches have met their match.  Baby balm is a wonder for all dry, irritated skin issues, and can be used for the whole family, not just babies! (View our wonderful baby line of products here.)

5.  Tint Skin Foundation - I've never been a big fan of make-up, mostly because I don't care for the way it makes my skin feel.  Beautycounter's Tint Skin is so light, I don't even feel like I'm wearing make-up.  My skin stays hydrated throughout the day, and because the coverage is buildable, I can always dial up the coverage if I need to, without it feeling thick or cakey.

Thinking about making the switch to safer?

Consider your priorities.  Is it skin care? Make up? Cleansers, lotions or sunscreen for the family? Beautycounter offers a variety of fantastic, high-performing yet safe skin care products for you and your family.  

• You can browse and/or shop my website at:  beautycounter.com/susanhusband
• Become a Band of Beauty Member - a free gift, product credits and more! {details here}
• Share With Others & Earn Free Products by hosting a social (message me for details!)
• Join My Team! {Consultant Details here}
• Check out our current Clean Swap Campaign, and earn a deluxe sample for free!

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me! 
I can be reached at: suehusband07@gmail.com

All the Thanks A Blog Could Ever Hold & Highlights of Our Holiday Homecoming With Steve

A million and more thanks go out to all of you who have reached out to us with love, support, encouragement, humor, hugs, pizza deliveries, and faithful prayers since my last post!

If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the way to a mom's heart is through a well-stocked freezer! A fantastic Meal Train was set up for us by Steve's sister, Jen, and words cannot adequately express just how thankful I am for this amazing gift. It has truly been a sanity saver for me. I swear I can hear angels singing every time I open the freezer door (or maybe that's just the happy hearts of our boys, who are eating like kings these days)!

You have nourished not just our bodies, but our spirits as well, as our mailbox no longer just holds bills, but also kind notes and beautiful, generous gifts that we can only hope to pay forward one day.

The body of Christ is real, people.  It is strong.  It is powerful. And, with all sincerity, I mean it when I say we have felt the outpouring of graces that flow between the Cross and all of you and all of us.

A million and more thanks. Sincerely.

An update on Steve...

He has good days and bad days.  The doctors explained to us that Steve would feel worse before he would feel better, so he actually welcomes the bad days, because when he feels awful he knows that the medication and supplements are killing the infections in his body, which is the name of the game with Lyme and toxicity. (The reaction Lyme patients often experience in response to their prescribed medications is called a Herxheimer reaction, which you can read about here.)

Some of you have asked why Steve is staying in Florida, and the answer is because the majority of his medications and detox regimens are administered to him intravenously on a daily basis, with the exception of Saturdays and Sundays. This strict protocol requires him to remain close to the clinic.

Thanks to the generous help and support of family, we have not been apart from Steve for the entire seven weeks of his absence.  The boys and I, (along with Steve's family) were able to fly to Florida over the Christmas holiday for a reunion.

 Joseph's primary love languages are feasting and smooching. His kisses are like super juicy.  He will be homeschooled until he's 30. Because, sheltering, that's what we do, right??

Sweet Reunion

With military-level amounts of strategic planning, and a solid zone defense, we were able to make it through the airport without losing any children or luggage, and we even managed to avoid being sniffed out by the canine unit, despite having beef jerky and Pop Rocks in our backpacks. Whew!

Steve is staying at a nice little apartment complex close to the clinic, so it was an adventure for the boys (not so much their mother) to experience apartment living for a few days.  They thought the tennis courts and pool were a reasonable trade-off for the lack of sleeping space.

Apartment dwelling was really just our normal frat house living times ten.  Extra cozy = extra stinky. I put in a request for happy hour with management, but haven't heard back from them yet.

During our visit Steve continued to receive his treatments in the mornings, which left most of our afternoons open for sight-seeing or hanging out at the beach.

As I scroll through all of the the photos I captured on our trip, I feel humbled by Steve's quiet strength and the very noble way in which he bore his pains so quietly, so as to try and maintain a cheerful atmosphere at all times for the boys.

His love for them, and for me, truly is heroic.

{Please enjoy this reel of yeller snapshots, while I research "how to set your camera for beach photography."}

Watching the kids bask in hours of carefree fun, enjoying the beauty of the beach and the warmth of the sun, was a great distraction from the weight of our worries.

We were the most fair skinned fannies out on the sand! Even our farmer tans from last summer had faded.  Sunblock me, baby!

The spoils of fishing victory. Yes, George asked if we could eat those baby hammerheads for supper. I'm tellin' ya, he is the next Bear Grylls. At least I know when he leaves for college he'll never be hungry. 

What a relief.

We all agreed it felt a little strange not being wrapped in fleece and slathered in chapstick over the Christmas break (but, we survived).  

Henry informed me that he would rather have sand down his shorts than snow up his coveralls any day.  

Chaffing vs. frostbite.  It's a toss up.

The beach is such a perfect place for kids.  They are completely entertained with the sand for hours at a time. If this were my backyard I would have time to take a nap and shave my legs.  Those are my big dreams these days.

The top two boys are getting really good at dodging the camera.  While I respect their mamarazzi denial wishes, at times I must insist on them taking turns being a prop for the littlest man.  

I call this one "whispies."  The oldest and the youngest and their matching beach blown hair-dos.  A perfect end to an imperfect post!

I just have to say thanks, again, for your prayers.  They are the momentum behind our every movement, propelling us forward, one step at a time towards Steve's healing! 

More updates to come...

Our Lady Undoer of Knots & Our Decision to Send Steve to Florida

When I started this blog a few years ago, the idealistic part of me assumed that it would be a place to share family stories, pics of our growing boys, favorite books and recipes, and maybe a tidbit here and there about homeschooling and farm life.

There's always something my mothering heart longs to write about, because writing has always been a special kind of joy, a therapy after long days of diaper changes and dish duty.

But, over the past couple of years, as the length of time between posts has widened from a few days, to a few weeks, to now a few months, I am accepting that the emptiness of this little virtual space may become something permanent, as the order of priority and charity in my heart for our family has far exceeded anything I've ever been called to in the past.

Many of you have been asking about Steve and his current situation concerning his health.  So, while the baby naps, I will attempt to piece together a somewhat coherent explanation of the latest happenings with him.

Three years ago, Steve was diagnosed with Lyme disease.  Early on, many of his symptoms pointed to a possibility of ALS and MS, but thankfully we were able to rule out those diseases as possible diagnoses.  Since I have already written about Steve's journey with Lyme and trichothecene infections up to this point (which you can read about here, here, here, and here if you are so inclined) I will not go into more detail, but will try to catch you up on where he is now.

Since his diagnosis, he has seen a number of doctors of different specialties who have attempted to rid his body of the Lyme bacteria (specifically borrelia burgdorferi and babesia) as well as the toxins from mold (trichothecenes) which have infected his body through his work with hay and wheat straw as well as from our home, which we discovered a year ago contained mold in a small area in our basement, but has since been remediated.

The infections and toxins in his body have compromised his immune and endocrine systems, which has made many of his symptoms worsen.  The specialists he has seen in hopes of building those symptoms back up have had little or no success with their prescribed treatments.

A year ago we heard about a clinic in Florida that specializes in treating Lyme disease, toxicity, and really every kind of illness imaginable.  At that time we seriously considered sending Steve south, but since the clinic would require a relocation for an undetermined amount of time, we decided to post pone it as an option because we were expecting our seventh child, and we didn't feel that it was a prudent option due to distance, separation from family and finances.

Instead we chose to exhaust all medical resources within close proximity, including the Hansa Center, which proved to be of minimal benefit to Steve.  After our son, Blaise, was born last May, Steve's symptoms, most of which are neurological in nature (severe headaches, pain behind the eyes, electrical frequencies in the brain at night which make it impossible to sleep) but also include muscle twitching, exhaustion, memory loss and an inability to concentrate, focus, or articulate his thoughts, began to worsen.

Papa snuggling with Blaise just days before his departure.

I could see and feel that he was becoming so discouraged, even depressed.  It took every ounce of energy and focus for him to keep our hay brokerage business and custom farming operations going, all the while he remained so devoted and present to our family, which brings me to tears just thinking about it.

Like most Lyme suffers, Steve looks pretty normal, and he has learned to cope with his symptoms so well, that people rarely realize just how sick he is.  When I visit with others who are in his same shoes, they also find that it's just easier to put on a smile and trudge through the day than to try to explain to others how debilitating the infection really is.

In early November I decided to pray a novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. I have sincere trust in her great desire to carry our deepest, dearest petitions to her Son. On the final day of the novena, Steve's symptoms were the worst I had ever seen. I can't describe how painful it is to see him suffer so much.  That night, I left for a couple of hours to attend a party, and when I came back we spent a long time talking about a webinar that he had watched which was presented by the head doctor of the Sponougle Wellness center, the clinic in Florida he had considered attending a year ago. The webinar just happened to be focused on Steve's very symptoms, specifically the ones affecting his brain.

At the end of our conversation, we both knew it was time for us to take a leap of faith and send Steve to Florida for treatment.  Thankfully, the clinic was able to accept him as a patient, but we didn't anticipate that it would all happen so soon - he would have to leave before Christmas.

On December 4th, Steve and I flew to Florida and immediately jumped in to meetings with doctors, nurses, and other staff at the clinic.  We also set up an apartment close to the clinic where he'll be staying for the duration of his treatments.

After over 40 blood tests, several UA's and a Pet Scan were reviewed, the doctors were able to pinpoint the causes of Steve's symptoms and put together a comprehensive treatment plan to heal his body of Lyme disease, trichothecenes, petrochemicals (from years of farm and mechanic work), blood parasites (which are carried by mosquitoes, ticks, and flies - more on that later), and a low functioning immune and endocrine system.

I returned home from Florida on December 8th, the feast of the Immaculate Conception.  When my flight landed in Kansas City, I received a text of this image from Steve with the message attached:

Stopped at a church on the way home from the airport to attend holy mass this morning.  

When I walked in, this image of Our Lady Undoer of Knots was the first thing I saw.  

I knew instantly that it was a confirmation of our prayers.

There's so much more to tell. I will try to write more in the coming days about Steve's treatment and also our family's trip to visit him in Florida over the Christmas holiday.

With all my heart I thank you for every single one of your prayers and sacrifices offered up for Steve, and for taking the time to reach out to us through texts, phone calls, and Facebook messages. Your love and friendship is sustaining us!

Because Sometimes an Illness is the Very Best Reason to Party -Unfolding the Story of Steve's Struggle With Lyme Disease

The week before Thanksgiving I (with the help of many generous souls) threw a dandy of a surprise party for my husband, Steve, in honor of his 40th birthday.

Throwing parties is not one of my gifts. Just thinking about it makes me sweat profusely with stress. But, with a lot of help, I mean a lot, we did it, and it was awesome! I wanted to take many more pics of the day we spent cooking and decorating in preparation for the festivities, but we were all running around like crazy trying to pull everything together, so I had very little time to get behind the lens.

Steve's sister, Jennifer, and her daughter Brianna worked their magic in the kitchen.  Bri is the baby-sitter extraordinaire.  Joey is in love with her.  Deep, deep love.

My friend, Susan, who happens to be the amazing mother of nine precious souls (so you know she has tons of free time) came to help me decorate for the party. She possesses the rare, yet precious, talent of figuring out how to unravel a mess of tangled balloons!

Both my mom and Steve's mom did SO MUCH to make all of the carefully thought out plans a reality.  They seriously moved at lightening speed, and I wish I had photo evidence of all their generosity and effort!

(Source for the inspiration for the table centerpieces)

My goal was to keep the decorations masculine yet simple, but ya'll know that with Pinterest, anything that looks simple is never really simple. Ahem.

My mom was incredible during the weekend of the party. She was right beside me all weekend helping at home with the kids and the entire day during the set-up process being much more attentive to the little special details that I didn't have the time or energy to focus on.

Steve's mom generously gave me her time and assistance for two solid months making phone calls, digging up pictures, advising, watching kiddos, running errands. It was a gift to bring the event together for her son, whom we both love so much.  I was really touched that her entire family was able to be at the party!

Steve with two of his best college buddies from Farmhouse fraternity, Steve and Scott.

One of the most fun decorations we put together was a big 40 that we covered with photos from Steve's life from birth to present.  Watching guests gather around the pics to catch a glimpse of his life was such a treat.

A supremely talented friend from our parish agreed to make Steve's birthday cake.  She did an amazing job, didn't she?? She not only made the cake for Steve, she gave it to him as a gift!

Friends came from far and wide, and those who couldn't come sent loving messages and sincere wishes for fun - and fun did we have!

Our friend, Sara, came from out West and, let me tell you, she was the life of the party!

Stephi and Joe were my picture takers - without them this would be a pictureless post!

Over one hundred people came to celebrate with my guy.  He was truly touched by all of the sacrifices and efforts that so many people made in order to be there with him that night.

Our amazing friends, J.P. and Elizabeth traveled from KC for the party!

These two...oh, my gosh, these two!! They kept us on our toes all night, and we were so happy that they made the long drive to spend the evening (and early morning *eek!*) with us!

Several of Steve's fraternity brothers and their beautiful wives were able to make it to the party. We are so blessed to have been able to stay connected with them over the years since graduating from KSU. His brother, Scott, agreed to give a toast, and it was one that we will never forget.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room as Steve's dad also shared a toast. At least my eyes weren't dry, but that's because crying is something I'm really good at. I should be in a sad movie, because I can cry on cue.

Watching our parents dance together is such a supreme joy!

Annie Up = Most awesome party band evah!

We ate, drank and danced - yep, I hired a band, and they were crazy good! Steve and I have always loved to dance.  We secretly dream of being wedding crashers. (Did I just admit that??) Getting a wedding invite in the mail, especially if the wedding festivities include dancing, is like the supreme gift.  Hiring a band for the party was the easiest part of the surprise planning.

Joey was an absolute trooper. He enjoyed being passed around between the guests, adorned with hugs and smooches, and even twirled around on the dance floor a time or two!

So how did all this craziness come to be?? Last fall, when I realized Steve would be turning forty in December, I knew that I wanted to do something really special, not just because he would be reaching one of those landmark birthdays, but for reasons much bigger than that....

It was almost exactly one year ago when, on an ordinary afternoon of school and chores, I found my husband, whom I thought was in his office fielding business calls, on the bathroom floor completely overcome with uncontrollable anxiety. I immediately dropped to my knees, reaching out to wrap my arms around the broken man who fought desperately to hide his swollen tear-filled eyes behind the cover of calloused hands.

I had hoped and prayed that this day would never come.  Just six months earlier, Steve began experiencing sensations of numbness and tingling in his hands and occasionally his feet.  The symptoms were sporadic, so we both gave it little attention until one day he came home from work bothered by uncontrollable muscle twitches on the backs of his legs, and a disturbing inablity to concentrate or focus on daily tasks.

I'll never forget the look in his eyes as he explained to me how bothersome the twitching and foggy brain symptoms were.  It was a look of both worry and fear.  That day was the beginning of a long and arduous process of researching illnesses that might be associated with Steve's symptoms. Eventually, we narrowed the symptoms down to what we believed could be Multiple Sclerosis, ALS or Neurological Lyme Disease.

After weeks of appointments, phone calls, more research and tests, Steve was given the Lyme diagnosis.

The past few months have been filled with many ups and downs physically, mentally, and emotionally for my love.  At times it feels as though he is adjusting well to this new way of life, a life that requires Steve (and myself) to be much more attentive than before the diagnosis to his day-to-day habits that affect his health. Being attentive to a healthy diet, regular exercise, proper rest, remembering medications and supplements, tracking and journaling symptoms, and embracing the reality of physical limitations that were simply never there before has been an adjustment for everyone.

Once we put a treatment plan in place (last winter), Steve began to experience some relief from his symptoms, so we were very encouraged and felt as though we were on the right track with regards to his medical protocol.  Unfortunately, late last summer, some of Steve's symptoms began to escalate, and new ones popped up with a vengeance. He began experiencing terrible sensations of pulsating frequencies in his head, especially at night time, which often left him completely unable to sleep. Naturally, his ability to concentrate, to remember the names of friends and family, or even simple objects became terribly difficult.

He was exhausted and worried that these new symptoms the Lyme was presenting would not be remedied and could even get worse.  The worry was nearly consuming.  Nothing can prepare you, as a wife and mother, for the great amount of strength and fortitude required to truly care for a sick spouse, and manage the needs and lives of all the little ones too.

If you are reading this and have dedicated your life to caring for a sick child, spouse, parent or friend, I wish I could reach out and embrace you this very moment.  I offer you my deepest empathy. Words cannot possibly describe the weight that presses upon the care-taker's heart, and I know you understand what I am saying and feeling.

Steve's doctor, who was very concerned with his new set of symptoms, recommended that he begin testing for Multiple Sclerosis. Many of the symptoms that Lyme disease can present are similar to symptoms for M.S., Fibromyalgia, Parkinson's, ALS, and a number of other neurological diseases, which is why those very illnesses are often misdiagnosed.  The doctors believe a patient has M.S. or some other neurological disease, but he or she actually has Lyme disease.

The days of waiting for his testing to begin were filled with terrible anxiety for Steve.  He couldn't help but worry about what the future held for him as the provider and protector of our family.  To say that my heart was completely broken for him is an understatement.  I simply cannot explain the intensity of my desire to take away all of the pain and worry from him.

I've never prayed as hard as I did during those weeks when Steve was suffering most.  It's funny, but I've never been one to enjoy getting up at night with our babies for multiple feedings, but I am truly thankful that Joseph has been waking often in the night to nurse, because I want to be up, ready to help Steve in case he cannott sleep and, if nothing else, just to pray over him again and again and again.

When Steve's doctor encouraged him to begin testing for M.S., I knew right then and there, that I wanted to do something significant to celebrate his upcoming birthday.  At the present time, he still possessed a good amount of physical strength and mobility and was trying to carry on through the days as normal as possible.

I couldn't help but think that a year from now, the picture of life could look quite different than the present.  Would he be confined to bed or to a wheelchair?  Would it be necessary to send the boys to school so that I could dedicate myself to caring for Steve full time?

These were all frightening questions, yet very strong possibilities that we wrestled with day after day as we waited for Steve's test results.  During the wait, I decided to move forward with my idea to host a party.  I booked a band, locked in a great venue, and gathered Steve's family together to see if they would join me in the planning and execution of the event.

Just days after diving into the party plans, I received a call from a very emotional and relieved husband who called to share the wonderful news that the results of his M.S. tests were negative. I cannot tell you what an enormous relief this was to both of us!  Now the question was, what can we do to step up his treatment of the Lyme?

Everyday we are devoted to researching possibilities and opportunities for potential treatments of the disease. Steve's symptoms continue to change from week to week and their frequency and severity is often unpredictable, which makes understanding the disease a monumental task.

To watch someone you love so much, someone who has always been in perfect health, suffer so greatly is a mighty cross to bear.  And, yet, as I say that, I can also speak with complete confidence that Lyme disease is not something that has happened to Steve, but rather something that has happened for him.  Our crosses are often a gift, a mercy meant to bear a particular fruit in our lives if we are willing to offer ourselves unreservedly to the Father, trusting in his great plan and purpose.

We pray daily for Steve's healing, but we pray even more that he might be a docile and loving servant of the Lord, submitting himself freely to accept with humility the greatest good that can possibly come of all of this.  If it be healing than praise the Lord, and if it be to suffer the terrible pains of mind and body as well as the physical limitations that the Lyme brings, then Praise Him Still.

Looking back, I'm truly happy that I decided to surprise Steve on his 40th.  There's something so beautiful about friends and family coming together for a celebration.  I believe that celebrations can open our eyes to glimpses of heaven, the supreme eternal party, and that glimpse has the power to infuse a deeper sense of hope and encouragement into the heavy hearted, the broken body, the tired soul.

I know that's exactly what the surprise party did for Steve (and for me as well).

If you could be so kind as to keep Steve in your prayers, I will be eternally grateful.  We are thankful for your friendship and support, and promise to keep you posted on any new developments concerning Steve's condition.

The World's Greatest Dad Turns 40 and Mom Does the Ugly Cry

If you've been here before, then I know you've heard me preach about how frustrating the pace of life can be sometimes....most times.  We'd all like to slow things down a bit, but with work, the kids activities, school assignments, housework and holidays it's a little tricky getting off the treadmill when you're running at a dead sprint.

Nothing makes you want to slow things down more than a birthday, especially when you've sailed through the 30's and time is now ticking to the beat of 40.  Getting older is no fun, can I get an amen? Turning 40 is like getting a nice big slap on the naked fanny. It's a bit of a surprise and a shocker all at once!

I thought I was young, but I'm not.  Young is over. Oh, crap. 

Steve and I often find ourselves staring deeply at our children, particularly the oldest ones, asking ourselves what we can do to create more moments with them, more quality time, more pauses for hugs, and questions, and praises, and meaningful guidance and direction through their varying stages of life.

With the younger ones finding this time is easy.  That's because there's always a toddler attached to a leg like a third appendage or a baby saddled on a hip riding us around every day.  But, the older boys, they are the ones that we always wonder - every single day we wonder - if we are making a difference in their lives.  Most of all we wonder if they know, really know deep down, how terribly much we love them.

(A consolation smooch for my guy who hit 40 first, poor guy!)

On Tuesday, Steve officially turned 40.  It was a pretty low key day.  I was totally off the celebration hook since I had just thrown him a whopper of a surprise party a couple of weeks ago (details Monday!).  I did get up early and make him waffles, though.

Such love.  Such adoration. Actually, we were out of cereal, and bread and eggs and bacon and fruit and yogurt (and whatever else you can eat for breakfast).

No, really, the waffles were a result of two parts love, one point five parts empty pantry.  I can't help loving the birthday breakfast. There's just something so great about being showered with love first thing on your birthday morning. It's a wonderful thing . And, if the rest of the day gets totally screwed up, well, at least you can savor the memory of a happy morning!

After chowing down on waffles soaked in a bucket of syrup, and tackling dad in a a crazy dog pile of super sticky boys screaming *Happy Birthday, Dad* at the top of their lungs, we got back on the treadmill for the daily sprint.

(I think the dental hygene freebies from the dentist add some pizazz to the pic, don't you?)

As evening rolled around, I realized that we had a few minutes to spare before Steve would arrive home from CrossFit. So, I encouraged the boys to each write him a note to give with the few small gifts we had purchased for him.

(I provide the most amazing crafting supplies.  Note the awesomeness of the colored foil stars.)

I had no idea that one of those notes would move me to tears (the blubbering kind).

One by one, Steve read each thoughtful card the boys had created for him, affirming their incredible artistic skills (give a boy a sheet of white paper and a sharpie and big things happen) and thoughtful choice of words included in each letter.

Very last he read our oldest son, Ben's, card, which said:

Happy Birthday!  I hope that it is a happy and memorable one.  Thank you for 

being there for me in everything I do, whether it is school work, farming, friends, sorrows,

mistakes or sports.  Thank you for being the great dad that you are.  There are many 

other dads out there that don't care what their boys do, or who they are.  Also, thank

you for keeping me between the lines, and teaching me to hold a good relationship with

God.  I highly doubt that there is a dad that can match you.  Happy Birthday!

For real.  A teenager wrote that.  On his own.  I swear.

Steve kept it together (tough guy), but not me, I did the big snotty bawl, and the boys, who already think I'm some super-weird species from another planet, looked more perplexed than ever.  Call it hormones or lack of sleep, but whatever state of being I was in there was no way I could have held back the tears.

(Just to take the birthday love a step further, we gave dad some lotto tickets, which was disturbingly thrilling for all of us.) 

Sometimes as parents, it's those seemingly small confirmations from our children that play a huge role in helping us to know whether we're doing it all wrong, or if we're actually getting a few things right.  

I know, without a doubt, that Steve is an amazing dad.  He puts aside so many of his own goals and desires to make time for the boys.  He has an incredible ability to seize the ordinary moments of the day, especially during everyday chores or farm work, seeing them as opportunities to laugh, tease and teach the boys small yet significant lessons about life and about the greatness of God.

I have a feeling it's those very ordinary moments that the boys will remember most about their time with their father, more than the skiing and hunting trips, or any other grand event they experience together.

I heard an alarming statistic the other day: In the U.S. the average amount of time a dad spends with his child per day is seven minutes. Seven.  SEVEN!!! Holy smokes, that's tragic.

When I heard that terrible bit of news, my heart sank.  

After giving it some thought, (brace yourselves) I began to wonder if we moms aren't one of the reasons why there is such a deficiency in quality time amongst fathers and their children. 

*crickets*

I know, that's a pretty big statement, but trust me, I'm not criticizing your love or noble intentions (I am in this boat with you!). 

Hear me out??...

In our quest to nurture and support our kids in everything they do, as moms we also have a natural tendency to think we know what is best for them at all times (totally guilty of this).  We are so deeply involved in (read: control) everything our children participate in, from their teeth brushing schedule to basketball and gymnastics, that we offer dad little opportunity to be on the nurturing side or to have meaningful time alone with the kids. And, when we play captain of the kid ship every day, dads often don't feel needed or wanted.  

Sometimes, (I'm talking to myself here) it's good for us to stop hovering, to step back, to step away, and just let dad take the reigns for a while. 

I know that Steve could very easily devote all of his time outside of work to other things - clubs, community and church organizations, playing sports with buddies, or chasing more business ventures. Thank goodness he is not a seven minute dad. I cannot express how incredibly blessed that makes me feel.  

As I watch our boys growing up to be men, I am thankful beyond words that our sons have such an incredible soul leading and loving them with such great purpose and devotion.

And, according to Ben, his dad is doing quite a fine job.

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