Thursday, July 2, 2015

Adoration Under the Stars ~ Bowing Here I Find My Rest

Do you ever find that when you're very, very tired, that kind of tired that cuts deep into your bones, that it becomes incredibly tempting to imagine an easier life?  To daydream of vacations and other grand comforts, to look at the lives of others through those rose-colored glasses seeing an illusion of life that is carefree and easy?

I cannot deny that this has been my struggle for the past several months.  We're comfort seekers by nature, you and I, and I confess to being tops at diverting myself from discomforts and inconveniences with a hefty mouthful of gin and swearing. (Well, now you know.)

But, sometimes, even the comforts of this world are not enough to remedy the weariness that life can impart.

Not a day goes by that I don't think to myself, if I could just catch a little break.....and soon my mind gets lost chasing all the ways I might obtain that very thing that I think will renew my sanity and spirits. (Cyber mind readers, if you guessed beaches, you're right on!)`

Yesterday morning I woke up to those same heavy feelings, the weight of fatigue pinning my flesh to the mattress with all it's might.  Despite my ferocious appetite for five more minutes, I managed to pull my feet to the floor, make the coffee, and gather up some fortitude before the boys came charging in for breakfast.

I want to say that the fatigue is not the result of feeling burdened by my children or responsibilities that come with motherhood. Quite the contrary.  Our children are my joy.  But, the unique situation of our current state of affairs has required more of me physically and emotionally than ever before, and, to put things in running terms, I've hit the wall.

Quickly scanning the messages in my inbox while the hungry troops whittled the steaming stack of pancakes down to crumbs, I saw this reminder: "Adoration Under the Stars" Wednesday July 1, 2015, 8:45 p.m. 

I set my coffee down beside my laptop, with multiple screens open to "Top Family Vacation Spots," and walked out of the kitchen for a moment.

Exhale.  Yes.  This, I need.  I need very much. Lord, please make it possible for us to go tonight.

And, He did!
Last night our little country parish hosted the most beautiful Eucharistic Adoration service I had ever been to.  Lining the narrow, rural road leading to the church were rows and endless rows of cars.  I could not believe how many people had chosen to be in this place, on this night to praise and worship our Lord.  Seeing the crowd of adorers gathered together in the cemetery behind the church brought me to tears.  
Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart
Father Aaron graciously welcomed everyone, inviting us to pray, to praise, to listen, to adore, and to confess, as there were NINE priests waiting to for us to lay our burdens down and to receive the grace and freedom of absolution.  Oh, how dearly I love our Catholic faith, and our beloved priests!
Lord I need you, oh, I need You
Every hour hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you
On that perfectly still evening, with the moon shining bright, I curled up beside the boys on the grass and for the first time in months I felt at peace.  I just needed to be reminded, as I looked upon the crucified Christ, his arms outstretched for me, that only in Him can I truly find the comfort my soul has been longing for for so long.

Whenever we get tired — in our work, in our studies, in our apostolic endeavours — when our horizon is darkened by lowering clouds, then let us turn our eyes to Jesus, to Jesus who is so good, and who also gets tired; to Jesus who is hungry and suffers thirst. Lord, how well you make yourself understood! How lovable you are! You show us that you are just like us, in everything but sin, so that we can feel utterly sure that, together with you, we can conquer all our evil inclinations, all our faults. For neither weariness nor hunger matter, nor thirst, nor tears... since Christ also grew weary, knew hunger, was thirsty, and wept. What is important is that we struggle to fulfill the will of our heavenly Father, battling away good-heartedly, for Our Lord is always at our side (cf. Jn 4:34). 
- St. Josemaria Escriva, Friends of God, 201

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