Tour #6 of the Terrible Two's ~ Where Time Out is Taken With Three Hail Marys and a Shot of Baileys {in the Coffee}

This is our sixth round of pullingourhairout drinking bribing guiding a child through through the terrible twos. You would think that at this stage of the discipline game that we would be on cruise control.  Not so my friends, not so. 

Behold the beloved:

I'm coming for you!

The only thing I know for sure about surviving this unpleasant stage of a toddler's life is: 

1. I can always blame my addiction to chocolate on their naughtiness, and 

2. It won't last forever - the terrible twos, not the chocolate addiction (that's permanent, I'm afraid).

Cheeseburger grin of innocence.

Living with a two year old is kind of like watching that one TV show that's frustrating and awesome at the same time (Downton Abbey). The one where you throw things at the screen because the plot is not going the direction that you think it should go (Matthew dies), but then something awesome happens (cue Dowager Countess every time), and suddenly it's your favorite thing ever again.

Spotty, yet accurate, iphone evidence or our typical testosterone filled breakfast.

Joseph is a 24/7 plot twister.  He lures his parents in with those enchanting blue eyes, sweet kisses and sugary giggles.  We are crazy in love with his (non-tantrum) vocals, because they are seriously adorable! At any given time he's serenading us with his with his curly little voice, calling out the names of his brothers, Cluh! (Charlie), Doh! (Andrew), Honey! (Henry) and, totally charmed, we are certain the tyranny is over. 

Not a second later he is clobbering us over the head with that shrilling scream that is something like a meat mallet on our nerves.

Just last week, as I was strapping Blaise to myself in the baby sling and throwing back the last shot of caffeinated hope for the morning, I heard a loud thunk. Strolling over to the window, sure to find the infractor facing the wrong direction in the yard with a baseball bat, I was surprised to see this instead:

#6 flesh of my flesh, bone of my bones.  Holding a tomato from my garden.  Winding up his chubby little pale-flesh limb for another chuck.

He wasn't throwing my tomatoes at anything or anyone specific, he was just randomly shot-putting them into the wind.  Because those 5 bazillion dollars I've spent on every size and kind of ball for our offspring over the years is apparently not working for him?  Maters are where it's at.

Now, if he was chucking cucumbers at the house, I'd be so chilled.  Because, seriously, I cannot. eat. another. cucumber.  But tomatoes, I've been waiting all summer long for those babies! 

From the top of the deck I stared down with my high-blood pressure face ablaze and gave the little Mr. the what for.  Oh, I'm sure you can probably guess what he gave me.

That's right.  He gave me the meat mallet.  

NOOOOOOO, MOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!

Right there.  Right then.   Pumpkin angel told me, no.

What did I do? I went back inside, poured another cup of coffee, threw in some Baileys, said three Hail Mary's, and called daddy for some moral support.

If you've been where I've been then you know just how challenging it is to be patient during this stage of your tots life.  On top of the natural pressure we place upon ourselves to handle each and every circumstance the right way, there's also so much advice out there to wade through, what to do, what not to do, what's normal, what's not normal.  Seven kids later, goodness knows I've heard or read more than my fair share of it all.

If this is your first time wading into the terrible twos waters with your tot, or if that stage is just on the horizon, here's a short list of parenting points to ponder that Steve and I have collected over the years. Most of them have stemmed from the trusted advice of great mentors and great authors*, and others have been fine-tuned through trial and error. Collectively, they are tips that have proven to be the most helpful and fruitful for us when we stick to them with love and consistency. 

1. Be Consistent 

Whatever method of discipline you choose to use, whether it's time out, early bed time, taking away privileges, etc. just be consistent and follow through.  I can't stress this enough.  We have failed at this so many times and paid the consequences.  Discipline may be difficult in the moment, but in the long run it's easier on you and on your child.

2.  Chill Out

I know this is obvious, yet challenging at the same time, but you have to be calm.  Children are so perceptive. They know instantly when a parent's fire is lit, and if your child is even slightly strong willed, parental anger just ignites in them the will to compete or defy. Discipline is not a competition. You are in charge, so just stay calm, stay the course, and expect the child to dislike and rebel against the boundaries you have set - that's normal!  You're not bending a will, your shaping an attitude, and that can take time.  

3. Love 'Em Up 

Sometimes our kids' bad behavior is really just a cry for love. I've really noticed this with Joey. Some mornings I put him in time-out a dozen times before we've even finished breakfast. Sigh. Why? Really I just need to stop what I'm doing for a moment, hold him on my lap, hug him, laugh with him or read him a story. When I take this approach, his mood and behavior instantly improves.  Love and affection is magical! Give 'em some one-on-one time and see what happens.

4. Watch Your Language

Try using specific language, or "trigger words" with them.  A couple of our favorites are This is not acceptable behavior, and You re in charge! Or, You get to choose!  When a child is being argumentative or defiant we give them two win-win options and explain that they get to be in charge of the decision they make.  

For example, I might say, Joseph, you may either sit down and eat your lunch or go to nap-time early. I will let you decide.  You get to be in charge! You have two minutes to choose, or I will choose for you.  I set the timer and wait for his response.  Either one is a win-win for me!  

5.  Praise 'Em

Words of affirmation are really important during this stage.  If my kids are tuning me out, it's usually because I'm using more disciplinary words (in a frustrated tone) and not enough affirmative ones.  Be intentional about catching your kids making good choices, and then affirm them specifically.  I like the way you shared your toys today! Or, Thank you for saying please and thank you at supper! You're such a big boy!

6.  Be Strategic

Don't attempt big outings when your kids are hungry or tired. It's a sure recipe for a fiery melt-down. Man, have I made this mistake too many times!  Little ones simply cannot understand the mental flowchart that we moms have strategically drawn up for the day. No matter how creatively we try to explain our plans to them or reason through specifics with them it's like spaghetti in their little heads. So, we must be realistic about our expectations and smart about scheduling if we want to avoid unnecessary conflict.

7.  Show Mercy

Be affectionate after punishment. After we put Joseph in time out (which he hates, because he has to be in a room by himself), we try to remember to pause, kneel down, hug him and remind him why he was punished, and then express that we love him and that he gets a chance to try again.

8.  Quit Counting

I hope I'm not offending anyone here, but the countdown method is not a good idea.  Telling a child they have five seconds to do anything means that they will max out that five seconds and risk being disciplined.  Again, we know this to be true through trial and error.  I'm not sure where I read this but offering the child a single warning and explaining the consequence they will receive if they refuse to stop their behavior seems to be much more effective. If you find yourself saying, "Stop!" over and over again, that is the same as counting.  You have to give the warning and discipline immediately if they do not adhere to your warning.

The only exception to this suggestion is if a child is hurting another child, then there's not warnings, discipline is immediate.

9. Brag Don't Bemoan 

Don't speak negatively about your child to others in front of your child.  If they constantly hear you telling others that he/she is going through the terrible twos, is so naughty, is exasperating you, they will more than likely fulfill their role as the "naughty one." But, if they hear you say positive things about them to others, especially if you praise them in front of your spouse, they will absolutely light up and they will know that you love them and believe in them - this will (hopefully) motivate them toward obedience. Again, so guilty of this here, because sometimes we moms just need to vent, am I right? We just have to be prudent about the time and place we choose to vent. 

10.  Encourage 

Be encouraging and show a little mercy to others and to yourself.  A couple of weeks ago, I was in a bookstore purchasing some materials that I needed for our homeschool year.  Joseph was in a serious funk.  I had asked an older brother to help watch Joey while I shopped, but I could still hear Joseph's pipes vocalizing his discontent with life.  I finally had to seek out the manager and apologize for my son's behavior.  To my surprise, the manager was so kind and gentle with me.  With his understanding, I instantly felt the parent perfect weight on my shoulders lighten up.  We need to extend that kind of grace and understanding to others, and to ourselves as well. 

Sometimes children are down right awful because their parents have failed to love and nurture them with proper discipline. But, most of the time, kids are just being kids.  They're trying to figure out life in this big world and how they fit in to all of it.  It's a big job to love and lead our little ones in the right direction, and I know for a fact that it's easier when we set our critical eye aside and show some mercy and support to one another instead.

Gotta run - Joey is blowing his nose.  In the curtains.

Have a great week!

*A few of our favorite trusted resources:

Any book or podcast by Dr. Ray Guarendi

Any book or podcast by Dr. Meg Meeker

Any book or podcast by Dr. Kevin Leman

Love and Logic

A Eye Roll Like No Other - Jophis and His Mother's Genetics

Oh, Jophis.

Sweet, sweet, Jophis.

Jophalicious. Jo-Jo. Jofestival. Bananajo. Jo-da-man.  

All these crazy names we use with great affection to describe you and your big personality, yet none of them quite describe this:

Now that the baby of the family is rockin' close to thirty pounds, he thinks he's way too big to sit in his high chair and prefers to stand up and eat.  The other day, I gave him the serious look and told him in very slow, specific terms, 

Sit.......Down......Joseph.....William.....Karol (gives the ol' one eye stare).

Did he cry at my firm command? Nope.  Did he whine? Nope.  Did he growl? Nope. Spit his carrots? Not even.

He eye-rolled.

He stinkin' eye-rolled me.

Oh, this one was really good.  Practically all whites there.

Then, the moment comes when he knows we're all watching our little owl perform his optical tricks.

He's got us all in stitches.  His brothers, especially are wailing with laughter!

And, there it is - the grin - Mr. Blue Eyes cracks even himself up! 

Look at my teef! 

If there's anything sad to be said about this delightful little aspect of Joseph's personality, it's that his gift for the roll comes from me.  100%, no doubt about it. 

;'

With the birth of every one of our boys, I've completely accepted that they will all most likely inherit their father's masculine traits.  But, deep down, I've also hoped that maybe they would also get a little something good from me. (Besides that rather large bite you see above.  What can I say, dentists love us.)

Like my love for music, for instance.  No takers yet.  They're pretty good shower singers, though! Or, maybe my affection for writing, reading, gardening, or running. Still waiting on those to bloom, too. 

To Joseph's future wife:  I'm sorry.  The eye-rolling.  I know, it's just...well, it just is.  Bad service at the Taco Bell drive through and annoying or unreasonable behaviors tend to set it off, just FYI. 

My best advise? Just roll with it. Ha! 

{{crickets}}

Husband Headlines - Broken Bones, Baby Bump, Bye-Bye Football and More

Oh, how I wish I had more time to blog (says every mama blogger on the web).  There's always a dozen stories and post ideas floating around in my head as well as pages of pictures to share, but getting them all organized in this little space can be such a challenge, especially since I haven't figured out how to type with my knees and toes.

My favorite stranger-in-the-grocery-store-statement, My your hands are full! (to which I always reply, Full of love. Full. Of. Love.) has never been more true, especially now that I spend 80% of my day holding Peg-Leg Joey.

My poor little Jophis.

A few weeks ago, a slipper slide on the playground just got the best of him. But, thankfully his little fractured tibia is nearly healed and the cast will be coming off on Friday.  For the first few days after getting the cast put on he was pretty droopy, and was only content if I held him for most of his waking hours.

*Side note: If someone could please explain to me why holding a 28 pound toddler all day does not give me the arms of a cross-fitter, I would really appreciate it.

He made a solid effort to go back to crawling, but that totally shattered his pride.  He couldn't bear the thought of reverting back to his old developmental milestones.

With brothers running mach-80 through the house, he was not about to sit back and watch everyone else shred the carpet without him.  When Steve and I caught him begin to limping around on his cast one morning, we knew he couldn't be stopped.  I wouldn't exactly say that the doctor approved of his peg-leggin' around the house, but as a father of boys, he understood that there would be no stopping him.

Whenever I leave for a run, Charlie asks, "Are you taking *our* baby out for a run, mommy? I love that even our four year old knows that there is another person with us at all times!

In other news, most of you know by now that Tenant #7 is nice and cozy in the uterine apartment. I'm happy to be through the "is she pregnant or just really enjoying pizza and beer brownies now that the marathon is over?" stage.

I don't want to scare anyone away who might possibly be open to having more than two kids, but the truth is, with every successive child after #2, you start to show much earlier than usual. And, should you be blessed with babies beyond say three or four, your uterus will develop a super-ego. Not kidding. I swear she's all, Hey, body, I've totally got this. Professional belly builder right here.(Instantly makes room for triplets).

Maternity clothes at twelve weeks? Super.

On a mixed emotion note, football season is over, and football season is over.  I'm always happy to welcome a pause between sport seasons.  It's just nice to have a couple of weeks to enjoy without the hectic practice and game schedules. But, at the same time, football is by far my favorite sport that the boys play, and seeing another season come to an end kinda makes me sad.

 Both Ben and Andrew proudly wear #24 - their father's number, of course!

Benedict played strong safety for the freshman team at his school this year, and loved it.  With 53 kids on the team, playing time was pretty divided, but he enjoyed every second that he got to play. The move up from city league competition to the high school level was quite a jump, but he hung right in there and loved being part of a winning team that plays for a school known for its great athleticism and strong commitment to sportsmanship.

Could their success possibly be because they kneel on the field in prayer before every game? Hmmmmmm......

BBL (before broken leg) sideline games.

You're goin' down, brother!  If we had to pick one man out of our gang that could make it to the college level, we'd put our money Joseph. As the youngest of 6 boys, he's no wimp!

Andrew played on both sides of the pigskin, outside linebacker and slotback.  His team is so much fun to watch.  They work really hard together as a team and proudly celebrate each other's successes. Finishing the season undefeated was a great accomplishment for them!

We all love to see Andrew run the ball, but honestly, watching him wrap up a good tackle on defense is much more exciting for me.  I admire how fearless he is on the field.

My guys.  Can't you just smell the clean?  Mmmmmm.

And, wrapping up the headlines news is the business of family pictures.  When it comes to family pics, I'm convinced that we mamas do all that planning, primping, and preparing for one person: OURSELVES.

Do you really think our husbands or kids give a hoot about capturing color-coordinated smiles and cleanliness at the same time? Nope. But for me, those precious photos are a sweet reminder that as messy and undone as real life is every day, there's beauty within and underneath it all, and I love how a simple photo has the power to capture that truth.

Thanks for checking in! I hope you're all having a fabulous week!

And the Big Brother Club Gains a New Member

Hello, Joseph.  

Welcome to the Big Brother Club.

Sometime in May, you will no longer hold the title of Baby of the Family, but will move up the ranks to the honorary position of Big Brother.

Your promotion to Big Brother is a privilege, and it with it comes great responsibility.  We know that giving up your place as Baby will be difficult at times, but trust us, becoming a big brother is awesome.

Right now, as a 16 month old tot,  you have absolutely no idea what it means to be a member of something so special, but soon you will. And when the time comes, we will be right here to show you the ropes.  You're gonna be a great big bro, Joey, and one thing's for certain, you're gonna love it. 

We promise.

Don Don and Hozzy Retire - Joey Goes For a New Do

Happy Monday, Friends! How was your weekend? It's really starting to feel like fall in our neck of the woods, which made a football-filled Saturday, and a little bit of yard work twice the fun.  Oh, how I love you, October!

The biggest event of  our my weekend was Joseph receiving his very first haircut.  I've been putting it off for weeks, because I just can't bear the thought of him growing up.  For me, cutting our baby's hair makes me feel like I'm putting him on a fast track to the teen years.

So what if he has a mullet? Who cares if it's wildly uneven and completely unwilling to be tamed? A haircut at this age is kind of drastic, don't ya think?

This is the unreasonable reasoning my brain has been doing for the past two months.  I really just want my boys to stay little forever.

Sniff. Sigh.

Joseph is incredibly sweet.  He endures the crazy affections of all of us so very patiently.  Smothery smooches, squishy hugs, relentless tickling fests, and the after bath grooming of his long locks by five ornery, giggling brothers is definitely something we will all remember about his baby stage.

His long, wavy, super-stylish hair has earned the littlest boy in the bunch a few nicknames.

In addition to this top-curl, he can also rock a pretty serious Donald Trump style comb-over, thus earning him the name, Don-Don.  This is NOT a political plug for Mr. Trump.  Sorry, Donald, Rubio/Fiorina is our ticket.

Oh, Don-Don. You would get our vote!

Woo-wee! We think this is what Mr. Trump looks like with bed-head, minus that adorable face.  

Then there's the Eric Hosmer mullet.  The first baseman for the Kansas City Royals might be able to make an 80's coif look cool, but it's not working for my sweet pea. 

The back of Joey's hair looks like Hozzy 24/7, which is probably the number one reason why I had to get over my maternal attachment to his baby locks and give him a trim.

Mr. Blue Eyes sat just long enough in his high chair for me to give him a nice little all over trim. Charlie stood by and handed Joey one Craisin at a time to pacify him while I snipped away.

Steve came outside after we finished, and Joseph spotted him right away, flashing him the biggest "check out my new do!" grin.  Don-Don and Hozzy have officially retired.

Senior Pics , All Things Fluffy, & Why I'd Love to Be Jophis For Just One Day

It's been a while since I've written anything in our virtual scrapbook about our beloved Jophis, so while the kids keep snoozing, I will try to squeeze in a few details about the favorite brother of the household!  

Joey truly is the most precious little boy.  He's silly, sweet, affectionate and wild.

If I could be anyone else besides myself for just one day, I would want to be Joseph.

(Danica Patrick would be a close second.  She gets to drive a super fast car super fast every day for a living. Who wouldn't love that? I've tried driving our medium fast wagon medium fast, but apparently the police don't appreciate the fact that I'm trying to get my children to football practice on time. Sheesh. She also has amazing hair. Deep down, I've always wanted to be a brunette. And, she has killer abs.  I donated my abs to my children, and they don't seem to want to give them back.)

Anyyyyyyway.  Back to Jophis.

Here are just a few reasons I would love to live in his bare feet for just one day:

1.  Barely a whimper from that child and everyone comes running with kisses.  When I whine it's much less effective.  He's got the whole family wrapped around his chubby little finger!
2.  Double naps.  10 and 2.  Need I say more about that?
3.  He thinks everyone is so funny.  Smiles and giggles all around for everyone all day long.  I wish I could smile and giggle at everything, particularly the three shattered family picture frames that mysteriously fell off the wall last weekend while the boys were doing absolutely nothing.  I love how nothing has the power to break everything in my house.

Steve and I think he might have a career in plumbing:

Serious faucet obsession.  Turning the knobs off and on does keep him entertained while I attempt to get ready in the morning, so this current interest is very beneficial for both of us.

There's also modeling.  We call these his senior pics:

He was having fun posing for us during half-time of one of Benedict's football games.  We kept cracking up at all of his funny faces.  These are the times when we would really, really love to have another baby.  Babies bring so much joy to the entire family.  They are such a wonderful gift.

 I think there's someone behind us! Whatever you do, George, don't. move. a. muscle.  

Whew, that was a close one!

Check out that hair.  If you can imagine, it's about an inch longer all around right now than when I took this photo.  He's rockin' a serious mullet.  His hair is so long and unruly, the boys think he looks like Donald Trump.  We've added Don-Don to his long list of nicknames.  I think I'm going to have to let go of those baby locks (sniff) and give him a hair cut.

His current favorite game is hide-and-go-seek.  Sometimes we'll walk into a room and find him perched in the middle of the room exactly like this.

There he sits, all alone, patiently waiting for someone to find him. 

If plumbing and modeling don't work out, there's always interior design:

As long as you don't mind every single thing in your house being plush and made out of some type of fleece.

I think it was ninety degrees in the house the day I snapped this pic, and we were all sweating.  I was sweating extra sweat just watching Joey wrap that purple furnace around himself. 

He's also become quite fond of swinging.  The boys love to take take him outside and play with him on the swing set.  He's very entertained watching them do stunts and tricks around the yard. Being on the swings makes him feel like he's one of the big guys.

I'm definitely not ready for that!

Joseph William Karol Turns One! Brotherly Love and Birthday Photos Abound

"How can there be to many children? 

That's like saying there are too many flowers." 

- Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Last Friday our youngest son, Joseph, turned one.  My heart simply could not accept how quickly this year has passed.  Just yesterday I was begging my ten day overdue belly to get busy! Despite the intensity of life that comes with raising six young boys, like clockwork, when that first birthday arrives so does the crazy intense longing for another baby. (Go ahead, call me coo-coo.) It's just automatic.  I can't help it!

Steve and I have always been open to life, and the Lord knows that if it were up to us, we would have ten boys by now.  But, He is the Creator and Crafter of our family, and so six it is! (Until we adopt those twin girls I've been trying to convince my husband we have plenty of room for!)

Anyway, for days leading up to Joseph's birthday, there was a great deal of excitement in our house. Everyone wanted to know what kind of cake I was going to make, if we were going to have a party, and they all took turns exclaiming to Joey, "You're going to be one year old on Friday!"

When the big day finally arrived, the great enthusiasm and love that the boys showered over Joseph was so touching, I cannot describe it. The older boys were all awake bright and early to help Steve work to get the combine ready for wheat harvest.  While they waited for me to prepare their sack lunches, they sat quietly in the living room listening for Joey's little voice to signal that he was awake.

Goooooood Morning!! Come and get me!!!

Gosh, guys. It's just my first birthday, no biggie, really.

Everyone dashed in to hug and kiss him and to wish him happy birthday.  It was a sweet sort of chaos.  I wish I could bottle up all of their giggling and hugging and endearing words.  Those are sounds I don't ever want to forget.

Of course our boys have their fair share of fighting and selfishness, but that's all on the surface of learning and growing up in a family of boys.  Beneath it all is an beautifully intense love for one another.  I see this love expressed in so many wonderful ways between each of them every day. The love was especially visible on Joseph's birthday.

Despite the obligations of the day, when possible, all of our attention was on Joseph.  I, especially, found myself just watching him, noticing every little distinction that makes him so unique, so precious - his wispy curls, his long lashes, his big blue eyes, his many expressions, the way he says "HI!" so emphatically when I walk in the room.

The boys will never know how emotional their birthdays are for me.  Behind the smiles and celebration my heart is completely engulfed in waves of love, joy, gratitude, wonder, and admiration, and the exhaustion I feel intensifies all of those emotions immensely. 

I suppose those emotions come from a combination of wanting time to slow down and also knowing that each child we've been blessed with is such a gift, such a mercy. Children save us from ourselves.  I've written before about how babies make us better.  Because, they really do.  

They uproot us from all our selfishness and attachment to things that don't matter and reward our self-gift with an all consuming love, adoration, and cuteness that makes us forget who we used to be. They make us face our weaknesses and our faults and leave us longing to be better, to be more, to be different, and that often very uncomfortable change requires a total reliance upon God's mercy and grace.

Early that day, I had hoped to dress Joseph up in his Wranglers and boots and take him to a special spot just outside of town that I thought would be the perfect place for his one year photo session, but it was so hot outside, I knew he would be miserable. Another day, another time.

After supper, the boys offered to take care of the dishes so that Steve and I could have some one-on-one time with Joseph outside.  He is taking his first steps, so it was the perfect time to snap a few (hundred) photos!  

Are you ready dad? I'm gonna show you my slider, then my curve, then my fastball!

 Um, guys, have you seen my baseball anywhere? Anyone, anyone??

 George noticed how much Joey wanted to take a turn on the slide....

So, he happily made his birthday wish come true. 

When it came time for the cake, Joseph was not sure what to think. The boys, however, were about to burst with excitement, because they could not believe that I was going to let Joseph actually eat his very own piece. Mom! It has sugar in it! Sugar is bad for Joey! Are you sure he should eat it??

First taste....

Mmmmmm!!!

After the cake was devoured, Charlie volunteered to "bathe" Joseph in the baby pool.  Hold still, Jophis, I'm going to wash the frosting out of your hair with this ice cold bucket of water.

Really, how can there ever be too many of these precious ones???