Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Peek Inside Our Christmas Book Basket

You may have tangible wealth untold:
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be - 
I had a mother who read to me.
~ Strickland Gilllilan

After the birth of our first son, I began building a library of books for our family.  Reading to the children every day is something we all enjoy very much.  And, when a special holiday comes around, choosing themed books from our shelves for story time is so much fun!

During Advent and Christmas, we keep a special basket by the tree filled with our holiday favorites.  I thought I'd share a few of them with you! 

Every year, I like to add a new book or two to our collection, and write the year inside the front cover.  For this season, I chose The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey.  It came highly recommended on Pinterest, and after reading a little more about it, I was sold. We can't wait for it to come in the mail!
Also new this year is The Twelve Days of Christmas by Laurel Long. After seeing the breathtaking illustrations, I wondered why I waited so long to purchase this little treasure! Now for the books we've enjoyed for the past few years...

Good King Wenceslas is one of my all time favorite stories to read during Advent.  The illustrations are magnificent (boys will especially appreciate the grandeur of the king and his knights), the text is of course the traditional hymn by the name of the title, and the richness of the tradition behind the carol is a superb teaching/catechetical tool.  If you have any Czech blood in your heritage, it is worth the time and effort to do a map study on the Czech Republic, look up pictures of Prague, and bake or buy some Kolaches (a traditional Czech pastry - yummy!!). 

If you would like to read more about St. Wenceslas before enjoying the book with your family, here is a link:


I don't think I'd be exaggerating if I said that I've read The Christmas Cookie Sprinkle Snitcher at least 100 times since we've added it to our collection.  The boys just love it! The illustrations are hilarious, and even I cannot hold back the giggles!

If you want to make it educational, you could introduce the following:

Art: Let the kids identify the colors of the sprinkles, then talk about the color wheel.  They can paint a page of sprinkles using primary colors, then mix their own secondary. (Bingo daubers would also be fun!)
Language Arts:  Teach the term alliteration.  Let the kids find patterns of alliteration throughout the text.  Also, you could have the older kids write a summary, putting the events of the story in order using the terms first, second, next, then, finally, etc.
Character Formation:  Teach the virtues of generosity, helpfulness, charity, industriousness, etc. Then, discuss how the Sprinkle Snitcher is the antitheses of these good behaviors.

Bear Stays Up for Christmas is an adorable story about the joy of serving others.  Kids will easily pick up on the themes of friendship, thoughtfulness, sharing, joy, sacrifice and encouragement.  It is also a nice introduction to naming animals most of us don't see every day such as a mole, a badger and a crow.  The illustrations of the bear rekindled my understanding of why teddy bears have been such a popular stuffed animal for children to own for generations. Your little ones will love it!
A beautiful story is made even more poignant when it's words are matched with equally beautiful illustrations.  The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree is one of those stories.  This one ranks high on our list of favorites!
Tonight You Are My Baby is a beautiful story or the birth of Christ from Mary's perspective.  It is beautifully written with a tenderness and warmth.
Father and Son A Nativity Story is a gentle story of St. Joseph and his overwhelming feelings toward raising the son of God.  I love hearing my husband read it to the boys every year.
The Gift of the Magi is a beautiful demonstration of the exemplary virtues of generosity, sacrifice, and self-gift lovingly enacted through two individuals during the Christmas season.  Though the text will be too advanced for little ones, if they are patient, the language can be simplified and explained as the story is read.  It is one of those books that I never tire of reading as an adult, and the richness of the illustrations give a unique life to the story.

Who is Coming to Our House? is a perfect story for Advent.  I added it to our basket last year (read about it here!) and it quickly became one of our favorites!
Great Joy by Kate DiCamillo is a truly lovely story of a little girl whose heart is awakened to the needs of the less fortunate, and the measures she takes to extend kindness to them.  
Many of you probably have at least on Tomie dePaola book in your library.  He is a great storyteller and his books can often be recognized by the illustrations alone.  These are two that are nice for the season...you may even be lucky enough to rescue one off of the bargain book rack!  The 50% off sticker adds such a nice touch, don't ya think?

One of the first Christmas books to enter our library, Why Christmas Trees Aren't Perfect is a simple yet wonderful story.  It encourages discussion on why Christ came into the world and how we can model His self-donating love to others.

A good friend of mine graciously recommended this fantastic trilogy to me several years ago, and the anticipation of their reading never ceases.  They follow the Advent calendar, and one chapter is read for each day, ending on Christmas day.  I love how they generate discussion of Jewish laws and traditions, prior to the birth of Christ.  The chapters end with a brief but insightful reflection for practical life application.  The author does a wonderful job of weaving the characters together through adventures and exciting situations that will keep the kids on the edges of their seats. Jotham's Journey is the first in the series.


I hope that you enjoy this short list of titles and are able to find most of them in your local library, discount book store or perhaps they will be gifted to you.  Most of all, I hope you savor the time you have to read to your little ones (and big ones - my older boys still love picture books!)

If you have a favorite Christmas book that you'd like to recommend to us, please leave a note in the comment section!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Make This Advent Memorable!

On December 2nd, the Christian church will begin their celebration of the season of Advent. The literal translation of Advent, from the Latin adventus, is coming or arrival. It is typically used when referring to something extremely important.  Advent is the anticipation of the coming of Jesus Christ, our Savior and our King.  

It's difficult to maintain a spirit of anticipation of the coming of Christ during Advent.  Most of us, especially children, have a greater sense of anticipation toward decorating the tree, baking cookies, stringing lights and most of all opening gifts laid quietly beneath the tree by Santa on Christmas Eve.

Advent has sort of become Christmas, and Christmas (which is typically celebrated for 12 days, up until Epiphany) has sort of become "take down the tree and make some resolutions" time. 
If you are interested,  I believe that there are a few simple things parents can do to help our families experience a deeper sense of Advent at home:
1. Put up decorative reminders that draw your attention and focus 
into the anticipation of Christ's coming.  
This year I created simple luminaries to put in the window of the kitchen.  We will light them in the evening while having supper together.  They would also look lovely on a fireplace mantle, a buffet or as a centerpiece on a table.
After drawing the letters on each soup can (I used the large Progresso ones), I drilled evenly spaced holes along the letter pattern. A hammer and large nail would also work. 
Then, after washing the marker off (be sure and do this, or it will bleed through the paint), I spray-painted the cans white.  Any festive color would be great, even metallics!
To dress the cans up, just embellish with ribbon of any coordinating color, if you like.
Add a candle, and you're all set! 
(Be sure to use tea lights or small votives so that the flame shines through the letters.)
2.  Purchase or create your own traditional Advent wreath with candles. 
 These adorable wreaths would be fun to make with the kids!  Teach your children the history and significance of the wreath to make it even more meaningful.  Light the proper candle(s) each night, gather round, say prayers and sing songs (we love O Come, O Come Emmanuel).
3.  Create an Advent calendar of some sort, or purchase one with the windows that you can open, one for each day leading up to Christmas.  
I loved this idea from  Martha Stewart.  It would be so cute hung across a tall upright piano or even on a large mirror. Place something small in each stocking to remind your family of Jesus.  For example, pieces of straw (manger), a star (Star of Bethlehem), a cross, a lamb, etc. If it's in your budget, tuck in Christian ornaments that the children can add to the tree!
We have found a lot of great resources and ideas from this website and have created many wonderful memories with our children on this day this day together.
5. Print out some simple activity or coloring pages that your kids can enjoy while you make supper, or to keep the little ones content during evening prayer time.  
I found these Free Printable (Christ-Centered) Advent Coloring Pages online, printed out several copies and put them in a folder marked "Advent." 
6.  Finally, for my fellow homeschoolers, you can find various printable activities at Raising and Teaching Little Saints to incorporate into your religious education.

Come back and visit us on Wednesday, when I'll be posting my favorite Advent and Christmas picture books!



Monday, November 19, 2012

I'm Calling Time Out on the Teenage Tantrums - Wanna Join Me?


If you haven't signed up for the Shabby Apple gift card giveaway, 
it's not too late, you can still enter here!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
WARNING: This post is a tad soap-boxy. In all honesty,  I'm really not trying to prance around on a parental high horse over here.  In fact, whenever I write anything related to the topic of parenthood, I'm preachin' it to myself as much as anyone. I'll be the first to admit that my list of bad parenting moments is longer than Santa's scroll, which is why I own a pile of books on how to be a super-mom stacked up higher than my oldest child's head.  Parenting is sometimes a team effort, in the sense that once in a while we need a little coaching along the way.  I mean really, when I don't realize that I'm running the wrong direction on the field of parenting, dang it, Jim, blow the whistle! Get in my face! Wake me up! Then, turn me around with a little pep talk! So, consider this a pep talk, sprinkled with love and a dash of non-judgemental intolerance. (Huh?)


I witnessed something truly wonderful after church today.  I mean, it was so touching, I may have needed a tissue or two.  A few college Freshmen were home for the Thanksgiving holiday.  I noticed that they seemed really happy to be back.  So happy that they were doing the strangest thing: Hugging. They were hugging their former teachers, coaches, neighbors and even their friends' parents.  Then, (get ready) they said, "Thank you" to these people for all that they had done for them in their life. But, what really took it over the top was when they hugged their own parents, or at least stood close to them and the siblings got a little lovin' too! Crazy!

Why did this scene make me so happy, you ask?  Well, here's my honest answer:  It's not what I'm used to seeing in teens these days, or most young people for that matter.  What I'm used to seeing and hearing from them is a whole lot of whining, griping and complaining.  Just the other day I stood in line at Target and listened to a little princess ranting on and on about how her room just isn't big enough, how she just can't take it any more, and how her mom and dad are going to buy (her) a bigger house, because their house sucks (sorry for the verbiage, I'm just quoting here).  All the while, she's piling an armful of clothes, shoes and glitter-laden crap up on the conveyor as her mom pulls out the plastic, never once attempting to shut down the disprespect. Let me tell you I had a white knuckle grip on my cart, because I knew if I let go someone would probably have to call security.

This isn't an isolated incident, oh no. Go to any restaurant, and kids are plugged into their gadgets like it's life-support and they only look up at the parents long enough to give them an eye roll or sigh of discontent, or to see if their free nourishment has arrived.  Cruise the mall and just start making mental tally marks for every time you hear kids begging for $200 shoes in one breath and disrespecting their parents and copping a serious attitude in another breath.  You better be able to count pretty darn high.

Maybe you're thinking, "Oh, you have no idea how hard it is to raise a teen.  You just have little ones, and they're easy." Easy? Oh, right, because toddlers and pre-teens can't throw fits, nag and get sassy.  My oldest, who is about to turn 12, is suddenly very much into very pricy athletic wear.  And, it just so happened that just the other day he was up for a new pair of tennis shoes.  I agreed to take him into the "cool" sports apparel store in town, where he proceeded to pick out a pair that were $88.00.  Um, no, son. No can do.  Right then and there he whips out the attitude, and I whip out my "I don't give a rip what you think, $40 is my limit, and you can take it or leave it." Okay, $40 doesn't go very far when it comes to tennis shoes, but baby you have to know how to shop!  It's called, wait for the sale and use a coupon!  So, baby did.  He waited for the sale, used a coupon and knocked those kicks down to $50, handed me a $10 bill to make up the difference, and we both walked out happy.  Ya, he was perturbed at me for about a day, but that's normal, and I just ignored him as usual.

The point of the story, is that thanks to some tips from Dr. Ray and Love and Logic parenting, I am finding that if you set up a foundation of responses for these behaviors early on, the kids not only respond to your firm and consistent direction, but they also GROW from it.  And, they learn to FUNCTION in ways that are healthy, respectful and responsible. For example, they say things like please, thank you and how can I help? They get jobs to pay for the things that they want and appreciate that you provide the things that they need. They help out around the house and recognize the needs of others.  It's possible, people, I'm not lying!

I have also learned, and earnestly believe that our kids don't need or even really want a lot of stuff.  They want us, our honest time and attention, they want to make memories with us, to be heard, to be interested in and to be offered material gifts that represent a our sincere appreciation for a job well done, gifts that reflect the goodness and virtue of the child.  They know when they're just being pacified with stuff or being put up with, and if they don't feel love in the gift, you bet they'll ask for anything and everything under the sun, because they know it's the closest thing to love and attention they're going to get.
Where am I going with all of this, you ask?? Well, since we've been bombarded with ads for Christmas shopping since before Halloween, I'm just going to assume that some of you are gearing up for Black Friday and that most kids in America have polished lists describing exactly what they "must have, or else."  I'm also going to assume that most parents in America are losing sleep at night wondering how they are going to pay the bills and afford to purchase those presents for Christmas.  Some are maybe even looking for second jobs, dipping into savings or giving up some of their own goals and dreams so that their kids can have more, more, more.

What if that's true? And, what if we're missing something really big here - bigger than the biggest sale that you just can't pass up? What if we're missing an opportunity to teach our kids some very valuable lessons about the honest reality that the economy is in the tank and yes, that is stressful to parents and should affect even the kids.  Sheltering them from financial burdens may, at the onset, seem noble, because no one wants to see their kids do without (please understand that I'm not talking about necessities here, but about buying the basic jeans vs. the $150 pair that "everyone else is wearing.").  But, in the long run, struggling to fulfill their wish list really just leaves you exhausted, unappreciated and frustrated, and it leaves them - dare I say spoiled??

How is it that our parents and grandparents were able to enjoy Christmas, many of them remembering it as their favorite holiday, with little or no gifts received at all, because they just knew that their parents couldn't afford gifts? They were happy to have a warm home, food on the table, an education and most of all family to share holiday traditions with.  We often refer to those people as the Greatest Generation, people of character, and salt of the earth.  Why? Well, it isn't because of what they have, it's because of WHO THEY ARE.

Tough times aren't wished for by anyone.  But, the wonderfully paradoxical fruits of struggle is that it has the power to unify, to build character, and to strengthen relationships. If our kids are learning in the classroom that our nation's pocketbooks are strained, they must understand that means their parent's pocket book is strained as well.  They must also accept that credit card debt is a heavy burden, and that time spent working extra jobs to pay for designer jeans is time missed out on being together with those we love the most.  Bringing your kids into the heart of your economic struggle not only exposes them to the realities that are often outside of our control and how to fight through them, but it also teaches them compassion, understanding and fortitude.

Our kids need to dig their heels in with us.  If your child drives a nicer car than you do and you're paying for the gas for that car, or has a nicer phone, faster computer, longer Christmas list....you get my drift.....and YOU are paying for it all during these tough times, then maybe we should stop the bus right here.  However, if your kids work hard to contribute to the functioning of the home (chores, yard work, vehicle maintenance, sibling care etc.) then great! If not, then it's time.  If you're shaking your head right now and laughing because you think it's impossible to get kids these days to do those things, then you have wielded all of your parental powers over to them. Power? Oh, yes, you have power.  It's called taking their phone's, i-pods and i-pads away, keeping the car keys, or taking up the philosophy of "no work, no gas for the car", or better yet, when the chores are finished then you may eat!  Most kids really do live a very privileged life, they just don't know it. The goal isn't just to get our kids to be thankful, or to quit whining, but to teach them to honor and respect the source of their blessings - you (and the Lord, if you believe in Him).

Of course your teens will hate this "new way of life," especially if they have believed since birth that you're their best friend seeing how you do buy them everything they want (no problem!) and let them do everything that they want (no problem!) being the cool parent that you are.  Cool is over.  Concern for character is the new best friend in town.

Designer jeans and overpriced kicks might be your child's current unrealistic reality, right along with not having to do chores or hold down a summer job.  But, that can change. If we don't allow them to share in the strains of life now, and offer them the tools (family unity, strong work ethic, character and virtue) to press on through difficult times , how will they ever handle the challenges of holding down a job, or fighting to find one, staying true to vows or accepting the grit that it takes to raise a family??  Bringing them into your economic struggles is not going to be easy, but it will bear fruit in the long run.

Please know that I'm not suggesting a bah-humbug Christmas here.  Quite the opposite, actually.  Scaling back on the gifts won't only ease financial burdens, but it can very well open the door to what matters most at Christmas and at all times, quality time with family, a focus on people instead of things, making memories together and being thankful for what we have instead of thinking about what we want.

Alright, I'm stepping down from the soap-box.  I hope you feel encouraged and not criticized, supported and not suppressed.  I wish you a blessed Thanksgiving and safe and sane Black Friday, if that's your mission!

Power Through the Holidays With the Perfect Snack


Here we are in the swing of the holiday season! There is so much to be done, so much to look forward to and to enjoy.  With all of the shopping, gift-wrapping, schedule coordinating, party planning, cooking and housekeeping to get done, it's easy to get run down.  One reason we tend to battle sickness more during the holidays is because the time and attention we normally give to taking care of ourselves is compromised.  Proper diet and exercise can take a serious dive, and our health goes right along with it.


My wonderful friend and chiropractor, Leigh, at Streckar Family Chiropractic, shared a great recipe for delicious protein balls (I tell my kids they're no-bake cookies!).  I decided to make a double batch and keep them on hand for my kids when they need a quick snack, and want something sweet.  These "cookies" also make a perfect post-workout snack.  I'm planning to pack a few in my purse to take on my big holiday shopping trip, to help me avoid food courts and drive-throughs.  Here's the recipe!!
Protein Balls:  A.K.A.Healthy No-Bake Cookies
1 cup Rice Krispies (I like organic gluten free brown rice krispies)
3/4 cup oats (go for organic, whole grain if you can!)
1 cup protein powder (I use Juice Plus, Leigh uses Isagenix ~ try to find one that is free of corn.)
1/2 cup honey or agave nectar (Sam's and Costco usually carry these in bulk at a great discount.)
1/3 cup natural peanut butter
2 tablespoons water (you may need to add more as you mix to get the right consistency)

Place all ingredients in a mixing bowl.  Blend together with a large spoon or spatula until evenly mixed, adding more water if necessary. Roll into balls and place on a wax-paper covered pan.  Refrigerate until set.  Enjoy!!

Offering Thanks With a Joyful Heart


Over the past few weeks, many lovely souls have been sharing via Facebook, blogs and e-mails what they are thankful for.  And, I am always inspired to dig deep into life, to savor every moment, and to spend a few of those moments reflecting on my own personal blessings, sending an offering of Thanks in the quiet moments of the day or in the quiet moments of prayer.

This year the virtue of gratitude has taken on a bit of a different twist for me.  I feel my the threads of thanksgiving in my heart being tugged at and stretched, because of the struggles that I have personally been up against and the the sufferings my own family has endured over the past few months.  Those burdens wear on you, they wear on your faith, on your sense of hope, on your patience, and even on your will to be gracious, to offer thanks with a cheerful heart.
Last spring, a great friend of mine sent me a book called One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. It  has truly changed my perspective on what it means to be thankful.  This book challenged me to look at life through a different lens.  To discover and trust the Lord's presence and purpose in the midst of the difficult, the obscure, the unexplainable, the unfair turns that life often takes.  While reading the book I could not get the verse from the book of Job out of my mind:


The Lord Giveth and
The Lord Taketh Away.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Made in the image and likeness of a God whose mercy, love and generosity is simply immeasurable, we are called to praise Him. blessed be the name of the Lord. Even in the most difficult of circumstances.  Even in cancer, in hurricanes, in loss, in defeat, in injury in shame, we offer praise and thanks.  Blessed be the name of the Lord. 

One thousand Gifts is an exploration of the essence of Thanksgiving, of Eucharisteo.  Ann leads the reader into the depths of her own suffering, her own questions, her own doubts and fears, and shares with us the graces of understanding that have come to her in her quest for authentic gratitude.  I highly recommend the book as well as her blog, A Holy Experience.

A few of my favorite highlights on gratitude:

~ While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving.  True saints know that the place where all the joy comes from is far deeper than that of feelings: joy comes from the place of the very presence of God.  Joy is God and God is joy and joy doesn't negate all other emotions - joy transcends all other emotions.

"Pride slays Thanksgiving.....A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Dare I ask what I think I deserve? A life of material comfort? A life free of all trials, all hardship, all suffering? A life with no discomfort, no inconveniences? Are there times that a sense of entitlement - expectations - is what inflates self, detonates anger, offends God, extinguishes joy?

~ Be at peace.  Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love.  And, whisper surprised thanks.  This is the fuel for joy's flame.


I'm Calling Time Out on the Teenage Tantrums - Wanna Join Me?

WARNING: This post is a tad soap-boxy. In all honesty,  I'm really not trying to prance around on a parental high horse over here.  In fact, whenever I write anything related to the topic of parenthood, I'm preachin' it to myself as much as anyone. I'll be the first to admit that my list of bad parenting moments is longer than Santa's scroll, which is why I own a pile of books on how to be a super-mom stacked up higher than my oldest child's head.  Parenting is sometimes a team effort, in the sense that once in a while we need a little coaching along the way.  I mean really, when I don't realize that I'm running the wrong direction on the field of parenting, dang it, Jim, blow the whistle! Get in my face! Wake me up! Then, turn me around with a little pep talk! So, consider this a pep talk, sprinkled with love and a dash of non-judgemental intolerance. (Huh?)


I witnessed something truly wonderful after church today.  I mean, it was so touching, I may have needed a tissue or two.  A few college Freshmen were home for the Thanksgiving holiday.  I noticed that they seemed really happy to be back.  So happy that they were doing the strangest thing: Hugging. They were hugging their former teachers, coaches, neighbors and even their friends' parents.  Then, (get ready) they said, "Thank you" to these people for all that they had done for them in their life. But, what really took it over the top was when they hugged their own parents, or at least stood close to them and the siblings got a little lovin' too! Crazy!

Why did this scene make me so happy, you ask?  Well, here's my honest answer:  It's not what I'm used to seeing in teens these days, or most young people for that matter.  What I'm used to seeing and hearing from them is a whole lot of whining, griping and complaining.  Just the other day I stood in line at Target and listened to a little princess ranting on and on about how her room just isn't big enough, how she just can't take it any more, and how her mom and dad are going to buy (her) a bigger house, because their house sucks (sorry for the verbiage, I'm just quoting here).  All the while, she's piling an armful of clothes, shoes and glitter-laden crap up on the conveyor as her mom pulls out the plastic, never once attempting to shut down the disprespect. Let me tell you I had a white knuckle grip on my cart, because I knew if I let go someone would probably have to call security.

This isn't an isolated incident, oh no. Go to any restaurant, and kids are plugged into their gadgets like it's life-support and they only look up at the parents long enough to give them an eye roll or sigh of discontent, or to see if their free nourishment has arrived.  Cruise the mall and just start making mental tally marks for every time you hear kids begging for $200 shoes in one breath and disrespecting their parents and copping a serious attitude in another breath.  You better be able to count pretty darn high.

Maybe you're thinking, "Oh, you have no idea how hard it is to raise a teen.  You just have little ones, and they're easy." Easy? Oh, right, because toddlers and pre-teens can't throw fits, nag and get sassy.  My oldest, who is about to turn 12, is suddenly very much into very pricy athletic wear.  And, it just so happened that just the other day he was up for a new pair of tennis shoes.  I agreed to take him into the "cool" sports apparel store in town, where he proceeded to pick out a pair that were $88.00.  Um, no, son. No can do.  Right then and there he whips out the attitude, and I whip out my "I don't give a rip what you think, $40 is my limit, and you can take it or leave it." Okay, $40 doesn't go very far when it comes to tennis shoes, but baby you have to know how to shop!  It's called, wait for the sale and use a coupon!  So, baby did.  He waited for the sale, used a coupon and knocked those kicks down to $50, handed me a $10 bill to make up the difference, and we both walked out happy.  Ya, he was perturbed at me for about a day, but that's normal, and I just ignored him as usual.

The point of the story, is that thanks to some tips from Dr. Ray and Love and Logic parenting, I am finding that if you set up a foundation of responses for these behaviors early on, the kids not only respond to your firm and consistent direction, but they also GROW from it.  And, they learn to FUNCTION in ways that are healthy, respectful and responsible. For example, they say things like please, thank you and how can I help? They get jobs to pay for the things that they want and appreciate that you provide the things that they need. They help out around the house and recognize the needs of others.  It's possible, people, I'm not lying!

I have also learned, and earnestly believe that our kids don't need or even really want a lot of stuff.  They want us, our honest time and attention, they want to make memories with us, to be heard, to be interested in and to be offered material gifts that represent a our sincere appreciation for a job well done, gifts that reflect the goodness and virtue of the child.  They know when they're just being pacified with stuff or being put up with, and if they don't feel love in the gift, you bet they'll ask for anything and everything under the sun, because they know it's the closest thing to love and attention they're going to get.
Where am I going with all of this, you ask?? Well, since we've been bombarded with ads for Christmas shopping since before Halloween, I'm just going to assume that some of you are gearing up for Black Friday and that most kids in America have polished lists describing exactly what they "must have, or else."  I'm also going to assume that most parents in America are losing sleep at night wondering how they are going to pay the bills and afford to purchase those presents for Christmas.  Some are maybe even looking for second jobs, dipping into savings or giving up some of their own goals and dreams so that their kids can have more, more, more.

What if that's true? And, what if we're missing something really big here - bigger than the biggest sale that you just can't pass up? What if we're missing an opportunity to teach our kids some very valuable lessons about the honest reality that the economy is in the tank and yes, that is stressful to parents and should affect even the kids.  Sheltering them from financial burdens may, at the onset, seem noble, because no one wants to see their kids do without (please understand that I'm not talking about necessities here, but about buying the basic jeans vs. the $150 pair that "everyone else is wearing.").  But, in the long run, struggling to fulfill their wish list really just leaves you exhausted, unappreciated and frustrated, and it leaves them - dare I say spoiled??

How is it that our parents and grandparents were able to enjoy Christmas, many of them remembering it as their favorite holiday, with little or no gifts received at all, because they just knew that their parents couldn't afford gifts? They were happy to have a warm home, food on the table, an education and most of all family to share holiday traditions with.  We often refer to those people as the Greatest Generation, people of character, and salt of the earth.  Why? Well, it isn't because of what they have, it's because of WHO THEY ARE.

Tough times aren't wished for by anyone.  But, the wonderfully paradoxical fruits of struggle is that it has the power to unify, to build character, and to strengthen relationships. If our kids are learning in the classroom that our nation's pocketbooks are strained, they must understand that means their parent's pocket book is strained as well.  They must also accept that credit card debt is a heavy burden, and that time spent working extra jobs to pay for designer jeans is time missed out on being together with those we love the most.  Bringing your kids into the heart of your economic struggle not only exposes them to the realities that are often outside of our control and how to fight through them, but it also teaches them compassion, understanding and fortitude.

Our kids need to dig their heels in with us.  If your child drives a nicer car than you do and you're paying for the gas for that car, or has a nicer phone, faster computer, longer Christmas list....you get my drift.....and YOU are paying for it all during these tough times, then maybe we should stop the bus right here.  However, if your kids work hard to contribute to the functioning of the home (chores, yard work, vehicle maintenance, sibling care etc.) then great! If not, then it's time.  If you're shaking your head right now and laughing because you think it's impossible to get kids these days to do those things, then you have wielded all of your parental powers over to them. Power? Oh, yes, you have power.  It's called taking their phone's, i-pods and i-pads away, keeping the car keys, or taking up the philosophy of "no work, no gas for the car", or better yet, when the chores are finished then you may eat!  Most kids really do live a very privileged life, they just don't know it. The goal isn't just to get our kids to be thankful, or to quit whining, but to teach them to honor and respect the source of their blessings - you (and the Lord, if you believe in Him).

Of course your teens will hate this "new way of life," especially if they have believed since birth that you're their best friend seeing how you do buy them everything they want (no problem!) and let them do everything that they want (no problem!) being the cool parent that you are.  Cool is over.  Concern for character is the new best friend in town.

Designer jeans and overpriced kicks might be your child's current unrealistic reality, right along with not having to do chores or hold down a summer job.  But, that can change. If we don't allow them to share in the strains of life now, and offer them the tools (family unity, strong work ethic, character and virtue) to press on through difficult times , how will they ever handle the challenges of holding down a job, or fighting to find one, staying true to vows or accepting the grit that it takes to raise a family??  Bringing them into your economic struggles is not going to be easy, but it will bear fruit in the long run.

Please know that I'm not suggesting a bah-humbug Christmas here.  Quite the opposite, actually.  Scaling back on the gifts won't only ease financial burdens, but it can very well open the door to what matters most at Christmas and at all times, quality time with family, a focus on people instead of things, making memories together and being thankful for what we have instead of thinking about what we want.

Alright, I'm stepping down from the soap-box.  I hope you feel encouraged and not criticized, supported and not suppressed.  I wish you a blessed Thanksgiving and safe and sane Black Friday, if that's your mission!



Friday, November 16, 2012

Flashback Friday: Lessons From Living in a Small Space


It's Flashback Friday!! Today's post, from the archives of All Things Bright and Beautiful, is a reflection on the lessons I have learned from dwelling in a home that is a tad too small for the size of our family. I think I need to re-read it today, since I'm a bit overwhelmed with the feeling that the boys are continuing to grow and the house seems to be shrinking!!

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Small space living for a family of seven is no small feat.  Sometimes Steve and I feel like Gandalf the Grey hanging out in a mini dwelling of the Shire (minus the plush foliage) with 5 little Frodos running around.  The Frodos totally dig the Shire, it's cozy for them, but mama Gandalf thinks perhaps just a few more square feet might be nice....
When we first moved into our temporary home, I wasn't just the Queen of My Double Wide Trailer (that's an old country tune - for real!) but, I was the queen of optimism.  No garage? No problem!! No basement?? No biggie!!  Anyone can make a tight space work provided they can fill their imagination with mental portraits of their future palace, right???
Well, as time has ticked on, my little portrait of optimism has shriveled up, right along with the grass and flowers in my yard. Oh, if only you could hear my inner tantrums - especially when the muddy boots and Wranglers are spilling out into the hallway from the laundry room (which is slightly bigger than a shoebox), or I have to reinvent the inner workings of a closet just to make room for toilet paper and school supplies. 
This is no joke - the proof is in the pic! Behold, my ultra-talented husband, unleashing his power tools on the living room coat closet. Poof! It is now a second pantry!
Here are his apprentices, our Frodos - finding new use for the excavated coat closet rods.

After my tantrums subside, guilt and reason kick in, turning up the volume on the little voice in my head that chants, "Quit whining, you little mortal!" GRATITUDE. GRATITUDE FOR EVERYTHING. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
A couple of summers ago, we went to visit the true “Little House on the Prairie,” the Ingalls' family Kansas homestead just west of Independence. I like to visit this snapshot occasionally, because it screams, "Small space? You, Susan, live in a small space?" Umm, uhhh, errr....
But, the REAL gut check here is this:  Every situation and circumstance in our life is allowed by the Father to teach us something.  The questions is, do we want to learn, to be stretched, to grow??  Our "small space" dwelling has indeed taught me a great deal....

Lessons Learned From the Shire:

When it comes to planning and designing our home, I have begun to understand the distinct difference between need and want.  Some spaces/rooms in the home truly need to be spacious i.e. the laundry room/mudroom and the kitchen (a.k.a mom's office. No joke.). Do I want a sleeping porch and a library and a music room and a craft room? Yes!  Are they necessary? Nope.

Small dwelling spaces have a way of excelling the development certain virtues in adults and children alike, namely patience, humility, self control and consideration for others. When you are elbow to elbow and cheek to cheek at varying degrees throughout the day, you have to put your best-self forward, like it or not. And, when the best-self doesn't shine, there's no room to hide.  It's "I'm sorry" or else, as Henry likes to say, "Shame on you!" 

Because there is little room to hide in the home, not only can I always hear the boys, but they are often in my field of vision as well.  While this can at times be overwhelming to my central nervous system (aye, yi, yi!), there are SO MANY precious moments that I get to see....them being themselves - funny, tender, helpful, strong, decisive, industrious, problem solving.  I would miss a great deal of endearing interactions among them if we were all in different places at different times throughout the day.

The trailer house is a fearless DIY decorating experiment. Every domestic dollar has to count, because I've got my eye on the "prize" and we are saving up for our dream home. With this mindset, I've found (hoisted) endless ideas online -  everything from how to create storage with old wine crates to embellishing a room with forgotten scraps of fabric.  This trend of creative repurposing is what I LOVE about the blogging culture!  So many incredibly talented individuals have responded to the economic crisis with creativity, generosity and enguinuity. 
Here's an example of my first fearless DIY. I love the custom mural trends, particularly in kids rooms, that are so popular right now.  Not wanting to give up on the idea due to budget constraints, and knowing that paint can always be painted over, I took a deep, bold, brave breathe and painted my own tree mural with left-over paint and clearance samples from Home Depot.  
The picture frames hold photos of Steve and each of the boys holding Charles in the hospital shortly after his birth.  Charles loves to look at these, they make him smile with great joy, which helps me overlook all of the imperfections!
Needless to say, Charles' nursery isn't the only room that has undergone my indecisive paint wand! The living room is on it’s second shade of green, and the classroom walls will soon be delivered from a deep red to bearing the shade Seattle Seamist (what else do you paint your living room when you're in the middle of a drought?).  Shhh, don’t tell Steve (uh, because it's a surprise?)! 
A small home has brought about the help and support of family.  My mom is has a very keen sense of domestic order and beauty.  She helped me fashion a changing table for Charles' nursery (a small alcove off of the master bedroom) out of a desk my sister loaned to me, and showed me how to salvage two shrunken curtain panels with fabric scraps and ribbon.  Steve's parents have also helped us with lawn and garden projects and heard my plea for a garage, which is also now in place!

While I live by the law of catch 'em doin' good and bein' good, so as to praise and encourage as often as possible, we all know that parents also have to face the the not-so-good events and actions that take place in the home with the intent to teach and correct.  Well, let me tell you, there's nuthin' like standin' at the kitchen sink peeling potatoes, watching one kid out the window digging for worms in my flower bed and hearing another kid exit a silent bathroom (forgetting to flush and wash hands) .  I can crack down on all that business, both at the same time, without pausing the peeler! No one escapes mom's radar from her kitchen office!
When the walls close in, the inhabitants head out for work, for play and even for school. Bring on the blustery, sandy, blow-you-over-across-the-prairie-with-the-tumbleweeds wind or on an exceptionally rare day of rain or snow, and we will brave the elements just to be outdoors. 
A small home has stretched my definition of friendship.  Before moving to the farm, we had a large home in Olathe, and we never thought twice about having guests over for any and every reason under the sun. With a change of environment, welcoming others into our home isn’t always easy - we don’t have a basement for the kids to go play in, or a roomy kitchen or deck with a view to entertain guests in while the food is being prepared.  I simply have to hope and trust that guests are coming to see us, to get to know us, to spend time with us. Our home is important, but it isn’t everything.

We live in a world that anticipates the next best thing, the next upgrade, the next big idea, an irresistible "gotta have it."  And, yet, there is something to be learned and appreciated in the here and now. Likewise, we would be amiss to forget what is to be gained from examining the past....before the life of bells and whistles and Pinteret and HGTV....  

I hope that you find what it is you are looking for, hoping for and dreaming for in life, and somewhere along the way discover the faith to acknowledge the purpose of the present, because there is something valuable for each and every one of us there, too.